i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
