I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
