Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
