She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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