i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm too high and old for this...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
