3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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