It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
