yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
