I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
