Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
