Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
