You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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