I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
either way he was missing a nipple.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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