She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
