Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
