I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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