I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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