how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
