When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
