God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
