pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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