Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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