Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
