i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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