She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
