I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize