Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
