she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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