dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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