1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
