please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
