The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
