he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
