so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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