i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
