We won't sleep together?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
