were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
