i dont even know how to be here
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
The air taste purple.
Randomize
