he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
