Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So. Much. Porn.
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