I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
