i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
