This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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