My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
