Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
