my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
