Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
