the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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