Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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