she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
