Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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