I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
