dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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