If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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