I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
