Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
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i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
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Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize