Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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