I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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