Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
