Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
vagina is talking i cant
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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