I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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