There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
