I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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