I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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