I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
