I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
