Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
