Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
