mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Randomize
