Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
