True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
