He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
