forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
