You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
