Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
