and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
...so i touched it.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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