I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Randomize
