Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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