Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
