I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
