His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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