Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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