My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
